The muffled sound is my name, but why can’t I see anyone? Like a computer boot up sequence, my senses came back online slowly one at a time. Each bringing on a new sense of panic I’ve never felt before. I’d like to say it was an indescribable feeling but unfortunately I remember too much of it so vividly.
That smell, there is only one kind of smell that my brain can associate with automatic pain and discomfort, And that is Sterile medical plastic. I didn’t need to see it in order to figure out what it was. The pain is so intense. Im still in a fog and haven’t the slightest clue of what it going on. Dad? That has to be his over sized bear claw of a hand touching my arm. It’s a warm and soothing feeling for the moment but that quickly changes.
I was unable to make out the silhouettes but I was able to notice not being able to breathe. Breathing, the one component of life we take for granted on a daily basis and never realize just how important it is until you’re unable to do it willingly. An overwhelming sense of panic sets in and I begin flailing like a fish out of water. That is when I notice I can’t bite down and I feel like im choking. I felt the bear claws pin my arms down so I wasn’t able to rip out the breathing tube.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This is actually the first creative paper I have wrote in about fourteen years. To be quite honest it was pretty easy for me to write. The source of this paper came all from memory. You see back in November 2003 I underwent valve surgery on my heart. My heart valves were leaking for what must have been years and went unnoticed. In all honesty it was found by accident. At the time I was employed as a service elevator operator for a residential building. My union offered what was called a clinic day for its members. Basically you show up, get a check up for fifteen minutes and skip work the rest of the day. Well lets just say that didn’t workout the way I was expecting.
Waking up from surgery with a breathing tube down your throat is one of the scariest things I have ever been through. The feeling of not being able to control your own breathing is just simply god awful. The surgery was a success but I have had many set backs with my since my first surgery. Simply put, I wrote this piece as a reminder to myself that someday soon I will have to go through this again. Maybe I’m just trying too get my head ready in advance for what’s to come down the road?
No comments:
Post a Comment